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Duh

March 13, 2011

Have I ever mentioned I am not a good shopper? No? OK, well feel informed. I. Am. Not. A. Good. Shopper.  Except at the grocery store where frankly I am a great shopper. But I wasn’t at the grocery store. Instead I have been clothes shopping. For the Shower Season. No,no, no, not the shower season, THE SHOWER SEASON. Baby brother will be tying the  noose with lovely Coco, poor thing, and the first of all the showers was yesterday. I spent Monday evening looking in my closet for something that might resemble an appropriate ensemble. Nada. What I did discover, was that should the show What Not To Wear come to my home, I would have an empty closet when they left. ( but I would fight for my clogs)

Enter the mall. Exit the mall. Enter the boutiques and TJ MAXX where I went shopping with girlfriends who tried to help and then just left laughing. Sidebar… It did not look like a cupcake Fara, why was it wrong on many levels?

Enter the mall with Order who will attend the first shower. We needed a dress, both of us need a dress let’s start with her it will be easier I think to myself.  I am not a shopper, have I mentioned this? In a major dept. store we found Valhalla. Rows and rows of dresses that  *gasp* , she would actually try on. Ecstatic, this could be easy, we might leave with a dress. The dialog went something like this.

Me: Will you try this one?

Her: OK

ME: Really , you will?  ( giddy , trying to hold it back)  What about this one?

Her: OK , but not that one it poufs.

Me: It what?

Her: Poufs.

Me: How about these linen capris with a shell and shrug?

Her: No way.

Me: Why?

Her: Just because Mom, can’t you be happy that I want to wear a dress?

Me: ( refocusing ) OK then. What size are you, do you think, in dresses?

Her: I dunno. Can I wear heels?

Me: Maybe, the little kitten ones, a glittery sandal might be better.  Oh wow look they make 1/2  size now, do you think you are a half-size?

Her:  I dunno, what’s  half-size?

Me: I think it must be new, you know how when you’re not quite a size One yet? maybe this brand makes a transition size. Finally someone is thinking, its great  they’ve done that, it’s a pain to find things when you girls don’t  quite fit a junior in clothes but too old for the younger stuff. Oh look they have  3/4 th’s too, that one you think?

Her: Maybe, can we try them on? I’m getting hungry. Here is another one.

( we try clothes on they are too small we go back out)

Her: What is a 5/6th size

Me: Laughing hysterically, I  almost need to sit down.

Her: ( hissing at me) Stop it people are looking. What is so funny? Com’on Mom, STOP.

Me:  No such thing as a 5/6th. They are not half or 3 quarter size, they’re One-Two, Three Four.                  Duh.   Please someone stop me.

Her: What?  I don’t get it.

Me: Obviously I don’t either.

She wore a beautiful navy dress, with a ruched bodice and looked lovely in a size 5.  I wore something from my closet ( would you have kept shopping after that?) the size is none of your business.

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