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The Road I have Begun

August 1, 2011

My eyes already touch the sunny hill.
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has inner light, even from a distance –

and charges us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave…
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.

Rainer Maria Rilke, A Walk

I wanted to feel the wind in my face so to speak, to know the answering wave. I wanted to take up  the road I had not traveled to completion. So at 44 I have gone back to school. Years ago, eons ago when the world was still damp from the flood, I tried college the way some people test flavors at the ice cream parlor. A little here, a little there dripping down your chin. Some community some university. Coach has made me swear to never allow my daughters to read my transcripts. Suffice to say the term did not apply herself may apply.  Eventually I chose to travel the skies and donned the navy polyester suit, 3 inch heels and big hair to hawk soda, tiny alcohol bottles and re-heated meals at 30,000 feet. Coffee, tea or party.

While it lasted being a stewardess was fun. And then after an injury I was grounded and a few years later married Coach. (I keep thinking I will write the story of that à la Pioneer Woman or Coal Creek Farm) I digress. Promptly after getting married we (we being the I part of we) were pregnant and now? Now there are three daughters, an impressive amount of knowledge with nowhere to go because of two little letters BA.

Now  finally after 22 years I have figured out what I want to do with my life. It took a while, I work along a slow bell curve.  I want to be involved in the Waldorf movement into public school and teach in some way, not necessarily elementary school. Pre-school? Kindergarten? Adult Education. I’m game.

So in June, I loaded up  my pencils, paper and three-ring binders  all nice and tidy in a basket,  its Waldorf , what did you expect a backpack?  and drove on up to Rudolf Steiner College. I stayed for 17 days or daze as it were.

Woo hoo a Co-ed at 44, and homework, and professors, and patchouli. It’s all coming back to me now.

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