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pur*pose

September 8, 2012

pur·pose

noun

1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made,used, etc.
2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
3. determination; resoluteness.
4. the subject in hand; the point at issue.
5. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose.

verb 

6. to set as an aim, intention, or goal for oneself.
7. to intend; design.
8. to resolve (to do something): He purposed to change his way of life radically.
Recently my friend suggested that I  find the purpose of my blog, it would help writing posts, continuity, and obviously constancy in my daily posting. Laughing I told her first I’d need to find the purpose of my life. And then ever since I’ve laid awake at night and pondered the word purpose. Two AM  is perhaps not optimal for life reevaluation, but it may be the time most quiet and distraction free. I’ll take what I can get.
Frankly I’ve gotten no closer to what it is that I intend for, but the edges are clearer. What I want may be in murky focus but what I do not want is very clear. Sometimes in life, working from the opposite side is everything. This blog began as an idea for sharing with family & friends, discussing Waldorf, food its cooking and decorating. While it has slightly bounced around between these things I’ve never figured which direction to set the rudder. My life is always full of fodder for the blog posts but as I begin to write I often question, do they really care to hear about that? And  then the post will be erased and days will pass silently in blogland. This year especially as I’ve gone back to school and  begun new jobs my creative outlet dried up it seemed. I hadn’t the energy to produce anything worthy of reading as I simply struggled to put a meal worth eating on the table and searched for matching socks for cold feet.
Last weekend I removed the valance above my kitchen window. After 13 years of living here I finally see how much light I’ve missed every day. It gives pause to what else have I missed and not been aware of.
Isn’t it funny that as you begin to get clear it begins to get easier? I always know that  my soul is on the mend when I see stacks of  cookbooks by my bed, or pages torn from decorating magazines notes scribbled across the pages and arrows marking the way. The garage was cleared  out twice and still no car will fit. Have I  also held onto too many other internal things? What to keep what to let go.
There are always high hopes of doing this or that, but then when it comes down to it, I do something else. Sewing, I have ideas up the wazoo, but when there is an opportunity to sew, I usually choose something else. The same  is true with gardening. Oh I do love a beautiful garden, I’d like to look out my window and see lush green and frilly flowers. Currently this not my view nor a past time in which I’m engaged. So getting clear is also about letting go of things and ideas and possibilities.
As we begin this new school year and embark on adventures anew what will you let go of and what will you keep? Having a vision for your direction and who you want to be gives  a blueprint and narrows focus. Together we  won’t get IT all done today or maybe tomorrow but we can do all that we do with attention and awareness.
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